Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
