Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
