Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
someone owes me an orgasm
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
