I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
