what day is it and did you see me today?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
