If i come over, it means nothing
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
