Where did you get a picture of my penis
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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