at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
