M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
