If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
