Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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