if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
