The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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