Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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