Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
