Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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