just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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