Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
