i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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