I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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