Can i not drive my cunt home
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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