Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
