but the lizard people decide everything anyway
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
