he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
