I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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