Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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