Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
