Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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