Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
