They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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