forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
