conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
