That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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