If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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