Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
