i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
