another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
