Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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