is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
