Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Non-Jews are for practice
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
