I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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