I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
