i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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