I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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