If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
