remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
