did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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