so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
