if you like me you must not know who I am
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
