Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
